It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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