i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
