An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
