life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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