Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He keeps bees of course he's weird
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
