I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
