My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
