Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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