I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
