You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
