You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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