I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
