RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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