Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
