Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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