I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
