All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
