Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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