Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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