I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
