so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
