Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
