How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
