rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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