Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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