weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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