i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
