using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
