You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
