They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
