he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
