please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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