All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
