I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And then he peed in my hair
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