Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
