Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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