i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
