New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
