I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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