Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
