You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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