All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
