She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
