I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
