no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
