good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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