I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
