you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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