good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
