after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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