I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
